We all get our work critiqued, and it can be tough to take poor feedback from a stranger, but when your nearest and dearest don’t like or don’t “get” your work, then it can be downright soul destroying.

Recently I showed my partner a cartoon for a webcomic. I’d written what I thought was a pretty good joke, and the cartoonist had done a stellar job on the artwork.  She tried to be nice, but after a small prompt, she admitted that she thought the art was great, but the joke just didn’t work for her.

She tried to be nice, but it still sucked.

I’m actually fortunate to be with someone who gives me honest feedback; although I’ve learned that we have wildly different taste in humor and writing in general. My temptation for a long time was simply not to show her anything I did, but in the end knowing in advance she almost certainly won’t like anything I’ve written means she is actually able to give extremely good grammar and spelling critiques. It still hurts when she doesn’t like something, but not too much.

There are three types of  criticism that come from friends and family, and dealing with them takes a bit of planning.

Proximity Bias:

This can work either way. Fundamentally the person critiquing your work is so close to you they can’t separate their emotions from what they are reading. This can lead them to being too nice (“it was great, I loved every word”) or, sometimes, really horrible (“why do you even bother?”).

Neither is all that useful. It feels really good to be praised, but anyone who says everything you do is golden is probably lying. The thought of hurting you scares them, and they avoid it all costs. It’s a nice thought, but I’m sure you’d rather put up with a little pain now if it means being published later.  If someone’s being too nice you can try coaching them to be meaner, but be prepared to leave them off your beta readers list.

Those friends and family (although really, only family will do this to you) that get down on your work because they have a problem with you can have a terrible effect on your confidence. The only way to know if this is happening is to show your work to multiple people, if ten people love it but your sister thinks you should give up writing forever it’s a safe bet it’s her that problem and not yours. It can be really hard to show your work to a second or third person after someone has rubbished it, but if you think it’s good, get a second opinion.

The Accidental Critic:

This person doesn’t mean to over criticize your work, they’re just on a different wavelength to you and your work. Like the person who’s too close to you to be objective, The Accidental Critic doesn’t want to hurt you, but they also try not be dishonest either. You’ll hear a lot of “I’m not sure I understand this” and “maybe someone who’s into your stuff will get it”. All the while you’ll see a look in their eyes that says quite clearly they don’t like it, but they’re trying to soften the blow.

Of course, your work could just be bad.

The solution for The Accidental Critic first requires you to take a look at your own work with a critical eye. It may not be they’re on a different wave length, it might be that you’ve produced something terrible and need to re do your work. If you think it’s good, then you need to bite the bullet and try a few other readers.

The Genuine Critic:

As rare as hen’s teeth and as precious as a new release Barbie on Christmas Eve, the genuine critic wants to help you. Not praise you, or damn you, but help you. This critic is able to be properly objective about your work, they’ll tell you if it stinks, but without telling you to quit. They’ll also tell you what works without trying to flatter you.

If this person tells you to change something you need to at least think about it. You can say no of course, but you must consider it.

The only way to deal with this kind of critic is to find out what they like to drink and send them a case full.

It’s a little early for New Year’s resolutions, so instead, I thought I’d ask you what you’re planning for 2010?

I know, so far this decade hasn’t been a good one for most people. For humanity as a whole the last nine years have downright sucked. There’s nothing that can turn back the clock and make those bad things go away, but I think we can at least put our efforts into pulling back 2010 as one good year.

Of course if your life has been golden for the last nine years, or even just this year, then keep doing what you’re doing. It’s working.

My plans for 2010 are some lofty, ambitious goals. Not resolutions, I always break those, but actual goals, which I tend to hit at least half the time. I’m only going to do three big ones, I’m sure other stuff will come up, but three seems like a good number of big goals.

Goal One: Finish The Downside of Being Dead

I’ve wasted a lot of time writing without a plan. At least 100,000 words down the drain. I learned a lot from those 100,000 words (that number looks ridiculously huge, but that’s how much I wrote this year if you take out the short stories.

Now I have the plan (subject to change).

So all that’s left to do is turn that plan into an 80-90,000 word book. I’m hoping it won’t take me all of 2010 to finish it, but I’m giving myself that much time to make it good. If I finish before then, I’ll start another book (or maybe cry).

Goal Two: Be consistent

In 2010 my goal isn’t so much making huge leaps, but maintaining consistency. In the past I’ve always been able to make huge, sometimes even improbable leaps along any goal path I’ve set.

But I have no follow through.*

So, in 2010 I intend to work more evenly throughout the year. That means writing a little every day instead of making 5000 word bursts on weekends. **

I also want to do some podcasting, but that’s going to be dependant on me getting my head around some particularly reticent audio software.

Goal Three: Don’t get so tied up with writing that I forget everything else

I get a little over involved with projects. One year I got it into my head I wanted to be a film maker and proceeded to learn everything I could about making films. Shortly after that I bored everyone around me to tears talking about it. I got so involved in my pet project that just about everything else in my life suffered for it.

This intensity of focus can be useful, but it’s not always good for me. In a way this comes back to being more consistent with what I’m doing. If I can maintain a consistent writing schedule, then I wonlt have to become so involved with it that I fail at everything else.

So what are you doing in 2010? Let me know in the comments about the big three goals you have for the year. They can be writing related, but they don’t have to be.